Today is the day! It's been six months since we drove up to that dreadful institution and got our girl out of there! Six months. Wow. Seems like A LOT longer.
I've been thinking again of what I would want to share in this update. I went back and read the last post at our three month Gotcha' anniversary and had to laugh at a few spots. Some things haven't changed at all yet! But others have.
Just a quick profile -- Sasha is doing well. Many people who have more limited contact with her see some great strides in her social behavior, and I do, too. She doesn't constantly introduce herself to cashiers. She does insist on thanking them. every time. before they've done anything. but whatever.
She can spend more time alone and has even attempted some creative playing. It's so sad that a group of children thrust together in an institution still have no capacity for imaginative play. They spend their time just passing the time. I guess they have no world in which they care to imagine -- or hope.
She is learning English very well! She understands almost everything spoken to her, though we are careful to try to use words that she already knows. It's amazing how you have to think about the homonyms when teaching a child English -- to, too, two, like (can be used two ways). Her confusions are cute. For example, right now, she thinks that "ear" and "hear" are the same thing -- So, she'll say, "Mom, ear me?"
Some days, she is still desperate for MY attention. It's difficult, and we struggle with this. But, she is learning sloooooowly that she just has to find things to do. She has a room full of toys -- and nothing to do. But she can find a string on the ground and carry it around and play with it for hours -- and shed tears if it's taken away from her. Yet, she doesn't hesitate to break a real toy to see what's inside or just for the sake of having something to do. This is very common behavior for institutionalized kids -- and it's part of the learning process to teach her that certain things have value. And it's part of OUR learning process to remember that certain things are not nearly as valuable as we once thought they were.
Mostly, we are working on her learning to react like a "big girl, " teaching her that I expect her to TELL me her problems and not throw herself on the floor screaming about things. She is learning.
As for me, I'm not sure that I can really relate all that these six months have been. All that I've learned. I've been to some of my lowest moments ever. I've cried and yelled at God -- and at my kids and husband ... and even my mom! Yes, I'm going to be honest with you. Thankfully, both God AND my family are merciful and forgiving. That's my real lesson these last three months since my last update. Mercy. There really is no hope of anything without mercy. I've always been a people pleaser, but more significantly, I've always cared passionately about pleasing God. Don't think this is a good thing. It can lead to a lot of self-righteousness. And when all the good that you think is in you basically falls apart . . . and you see how desperately weak you are . . . only Mercy remains.
I continue to see the orphan in me every day. If I can't continually forgive Sasha when she rages, or lies, or steals, or even just monopolizes my time and attention . . . then she really is never fully redeemed. She's rescued, sure. But she's only redeemed through our constant mercy. And we are only redeemed through His constant mercy. If she understands that even in her darkest hours, we are still loving her -- holding up a standard for all of her struggles to accomplish within her -- and we still love . . . If she knows that she can be hurtful and still loved . . . Then she will be truly ransomed. And the same is true of me. If I can see that I can be at my utmost shameful and immature, and really truly believe that God loves me and forgives . . . then I will be completely ransomed.
I am truly excited about the next six months! There will be so many fun things! School starts in a month (we have decided to enroll Sasha in school because she really wants to go and we think that is the best option for her), there will be a BIG birthday party in October, Thanksgiving, Christmas . . . and, of course, our ONE YEAR GOTCHA ANNIVERSARY PARTY! So much to look forward to -- so many firsts still to come. I want to close this post by just saying again how much I admire Sasha. She will probably be the person in my life that drives me the most crazy . . . but I will always respect her for what she's already accomplishing in her life. And I will be thankful for what God is accomplishing in my life because of her. I realized that for those of you only on the blog, you may not know that the EEG showed that she was having up to 100 absence seizures a day, and by getting on the new RIGHT medication, there is just absolutely nothing that will stop her from accomplishing ALL that HE has for her. And she'll do it all, too. She's just that determined to live her life fully! I'm really so proud of her -- and all my kids -- for all the many ways that they continue to amaze me!
