On a lighter note -- here's our girl -- the typical kid addicted to the Kindle!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
On Being an Orphan
I woke up this morning with another lesson from the Lord in my heart.
You know -- I'm just like Sasha -- with HIM. Too often, I'm the orphan
that doesn't feel very attached to Him -- I don't spend the time with
Him that I should, I'm the one that doesn't trust that He will love me
completely with all my issues -- and I'm "in it" for the goods, too,
sometimes. LOL! I know one thing -- I want to go home -- but I don't
want to go home the same. I want to learn everything I can on this
journey -- and I'm learning so much about myself and this calling that
He has for us. We were supposed to see Sasha again today, but Halya
called and said -- don't go today because you'll need to go tomorrow and
Friday -- so this will be the 2nd day in a row without seeing her at
all. I'm happy to report that I miss seeing her! It's like I said
before -- I just want to get her and go. That orphanage is just a place
of bondage -- for all of us. Sasha is stuck there -- and our
relationship with her is stuck at a certain point until we can get her
out of there. I still believe that God has set this lonely little girl
in our family -- and when I think about it -- SHE is the truly brave
one. She doesn't know us, she can't even speak to us, and she really
knows no other life than that orphanage -- but she is brave enough to
step boldly into our arms and trust us. THAT is the heart of God --
open arms for us. We are just a very poor example of the very deepest
part of his heart -- setting the lonely into HIS family.
On a lighter note -- here's our girl -- the typical kid addicted to the Kindle!
On a lighter note -- here's our girl -- the typical kid addicted to the Kindle!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve
I'll have to admit that today has been one of the most difficult days that we have had here in Ukraine. It's Christmas Eve, and I expect that tomorrow won't be a whole lot easier. There are no twinkling lights on a Christmas tree in the corner. No presents. No Silent Night. It's not even Christmas Eve here! (They don't celebrate until January 7.) No turkey or ham or green bean casserole.
But, I can tell you, without a doubt, this is the most meaningful Christmas I've ever had. This is the Christmas that I've come the closest to understanding how hard it must have been for the Father to send His Son to a wretched place to save a bunch of no-accounts like us! This is the Christmas when I realize how much we've been saved from. This is the Christmas when it's not about the presents, or the tree, or the sweet potato casserole, or what everyone should wear for the Christmas Eve pictures. This time -- it's just about Him.
I so wish I could be home right now. But more than that, I want to win this battle of faith. It's a scary thing we are doing -- no doubt about it. Bringing a child into our home and family with whom we can't easily communicate, a child that is emotionally damaged and frail, a child that doesn't seem to care for much except what we've brought her -- well, we sometimes get a little scared.
But, wait -- isn't that really what Christmas is about? Aren't we all that child? Aren't we all emotionally frail and damaged? Selfish? Spiritually inept? And yet, the Father saw such value in us, that He sent His own Son in the form of a little baby to grow up just so that He could adopt us! And it wasn't such a simple process and tidy fee -- it was a bloody mess on our suffering Lord that saved us from our own orphan bondage. We are orphans no more! We are FAMILY!
And so, when we see Christmas from that perspective . . . and when we see ourselves in Sasha . . . well, we just know that God's grace will ALWAYS be enough.
But, I can tell you, without a doubt, this is the most meaningful Christmas I've ever had. This is the Christmas that I've come the closest to understanding how hard it must have been for the Father to send His Son to a wretched place to save a bunch of no-accounts like us! This is the Christmas when I realize how much we've been saved from. This is the Christmas when it's not about the presents, or the tree, or the sweet potato casserole, or what everyone should wear for the Christmas Eve pictures. This time -- it's just about Him.
I so wish I could be home right now. But more than that, I want to win this battle of faith. It's a scary thing we are doing -- no doubt about it. Bringing a child into our home and family with whom we can't easily communicate, a child that is emotionally damaged and frail, a child that doesn't seem to care for much except what we've brought her -- well, we sometimes get a little scared.
But, wait -- isn't that really what Christmas is about? Aren't we all that child? Aren't we all emotionally frail and damaged? Selfish? Spiritually inept? And yet, the Father saw such value in us, that He sent His own Son in the form of a little baby to grow up just so that He could adopt us! And it wasn't such a simple process and tidy fee -- it was a bloody mess on our suffering Lord that saved us from our own orphan bondage. We are orphans no more! We are FAMILY!
And so, when we see Christmas from that perspective . . . and when we see ourselves in Sasha . . . well, we just know that God's grace will ALWAYS be enough.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
So, about that 1% Miracle . . .
I know some of you are wondering IF we actually got our 1% miracle. Well, before I answer that, let me tell you a bit about our day.
God is so good! Our goals for today were to get ALL of the paperwork needed to submit our final application to the MSP in Kiev tomorrow morning -- AND to get a court date set. There are so many things involved that it could really set the head spinning -- if I could only understand Russian! LOL!!!
We went first to the Notary to get the official application for adoption notarized for the MSP tomorrow morning. That all went well. Except that I left my hat there. BUT, they actually called Halya and told me that I left it there. I have no idea if/ when I'll be able to get it! Anyway . . .
The next stop was the orphanage. But before I get to that, let me tell you about the book I've been reading on my Kindle as we're traveling back and forth to the orphanage. God saw fit that it was the ONLY book on there (it's a new Kindle!). It's called Kisses from Katie, and if you're ready for God to sit you down and give you a good talking-to -- this is a great book for you to read. I have been so encouraged, humbled, and convicted by this young woman's wisdom and commitment to be radically abandoned to the Father. She has literally given up everything to go to Uganda and be a mommy to 14 girls (she's now only 24), start a feeding ministry to some of the poorest people on earth, and organize a sponsorship program for children to go to school and be fed. Seriously, read the book! As I've been reading this book, God has reminded me again and again, (through Katie's words in the book) that the most courageous thing we can do is to love with abandon. So, here's where it gets a little tricky. I KNEW that I wanted that 1% miracle for one reason ONLY -- ME! I didn't want to stay any longer in Ukraine than I needed to. BUT, I also felt like leaving Sasha here would be the wrong thing to do for those 10 days. So, I came to a moment of surrender this morning -- I told the Lord and Quincy that I believed that if we didn't get the 10 day waiting period waived, that I should stay. I knew that Dad would come and I wouldn't be alone -- but I believed that Sasha would be our daughter then, and there's no way on God's green earth that I would leave any of my other kids in Ukraine for 10 days without me! So, that was the beginning of my day . . . willing to surrender it!
Anyway -- one final medical something-or-other was needed from the orphanage. We really didn't have much time to spend with Sasha, and she was pretty upset when we had to leave. She hid in a little playhouse and wouldn't come out. It's SO HARD to know what to do. I'm not her mom yet -- and I can't speak her language. The caretaker told two of the older kids to go in and get her out. She still wouldn't come out. I finally went over and, by this point, she was slowly coming around. I used gum as a bribe to get her to put her jacket and stuff back on -- then let her share the gum with a few people around us. She eventually got out of her mood. See -- that's where it's so hard. I don't bribe my kids to obey -- but, the orphanage is just so weird. I honestly can't explain it. We will have so much work to do with her when she gets home!
After we got the paper from the orphanage (we did have to wait about a half hour for the Director to sign some papers), we went to the Children's Services department again, and picked up their final paper! Yeah!!!!! That left only one more task -- the Court.
If I had know then what I know now -- I wouldn't have even worried about the 10 day waiting period -- there was so much MORE that could have gone wrong. Turns out that the official process is this: Halya would apply to the court, which had 10 business days (what's with the number 10 in this country!) to assign a judge, then we'd have to set a date with that judge. OMGoodness!!! Halya is amazing. She knows how to get the job done. Of course, she LITERALLY had to go around the corner of the courthouse (outside, in the freezing cold and dark so that nobody saw to pay the judge his money! BUT, he agreed to take the case and give us a date before the end of the year (the 28th). He did NOT agree to the 10 day waive. I think if he did that it would look too suspicious! Heaven forbid!
So, what's next?? WE NEED YOUR PRAYERS! The MSP legally has 10 business days to finish their paper, however our court date is 10 regular days! PLEASE PRAY that they will finish it!! Rumor is that they are taking their full 10 days. Quincy is also assuring me that he wants us to go home during the 10 day waiting period. It's very difficult to explain, but Sasha is still pretty clueless. Even we don't understand this completely, but Halya says that she will be fine. The concept of a home and family is really just a strange theory in her mind. She doesn't really even know how to wish for it! Obviously, she knows that we are one day going to come and take her away. But she has no concept of what a family really looks like or what they do. She knows that she's going to America -- but, to her, that could be the next town over! Also, the 10 day waiting period will actually be 12 days because the last day falls on their Christmas. So, now, we're talking close to a 2 week waiting period -- and still another week of paperwork after that in the country. We have decided that Sasha really doesn't know any better at this point. She will be disappointed that we are not visiting -- but she would not be devastated as we though she might be. We will have Halya explain to her what is happening -- and then we will go home. And I really DO think that we need time to prepare our kids at home for Sasha. And I'd like to have a Christmas with our kids and Tia and Cody, too, before bringing Sasha home. That may sound strange, but Sasha will be going through so many changes -- and already getting so much more than she has EVER known that adding presents under a Christmas tree to that will just be a bit too much, we think. BTW, their "Saint Nicholas Day" is tomorrow and she will be getting presents at the orphanage! And we have things at home for her too.
So -- that was our day! In the end, we got EVERYTHING we needed! And we didn't get what He knew we never did. THANK you for your prayers for that 1% miracle! Turns out that quite a few other miracles took place that we didn't even know we needed! I know that it may be a little bitter sweet -- and some of you may question the wisdom in our decision to go home -- but we have a peace about it. From now until the court date, we will visit Sasha every other day. We're on our own now since Halya has gone back to Kiev and then home. I'm sure we'll hang out at the apt. mostly on the days we don't go to the orphanage. Tomorrow, it should be windy with a high in the low 20's -- so we definitely won't be picnicking in the park!!
God is so good! Our goals for today were to get ALL of the paperwork needed to submit our final application to the MSP in Kiev tomorrow morning -- AND to get a court date set. There are so many things involved that it could really set the head spinning -- if I could only understand Russian! LOL!!!
We went first to the Notary to get the official application for adoption notarized for the MSP tomorrow morning. That all went well. Except that I left my hat there. BUT, they actually called Halya and told me that I left it there. I have no idea if/ when I'll be able to get it! Anyway . . .
The next stop was the orphanage. But before I get to that, let me tell you about the book I've been reading on my Kindle as we're traveling back and forth to the orphanage. God saw fit that it was the ONLY book on there (it's a new Kindle!). It's called Kisses from Katie, and if you're ready for God to sit you down and give you a good talking-to -- this is a great book for you to read. I have been so encouraged, humbled, and convicted by this young woman's wisdom and commitment to be radically abandoned to the Father. She has literally given up everything to go to Uganda and be a mommy to 14 girls (she's now only 24), start a feeding ministry to some of the poorest people on earth, and organize a sponsorship program for children to go to school and be fed. Seriously, read the book! As I've been reading this book, God has reminded me again and again, (through Katie's words in the book) that the most courageous thing we can do is to love with abandon. So, here's where it gets a little tricky. I KNEW that I wanted that 1% miracle for one reason ONLY -- ME! I didn't want to stay any longer in Ukraine than I needed to. BUT, I also felt like leaving Sasha here would be the wrong thing to do for those 10 days. So, I came to a moment of surrender this morning -- I told the Lord and Quincy that I believed that if we didn't get the 10 day waiting period waived, that I should stay. I knew that Dad would come and I wouldn't be alone -- but I believed that Sasha would be our daughter then, and there's no way on God's green earth that I would leave any of my other kids in Ukraine for 10 days without me! So, that was the beginning of my day . . . willing to surrender it!
Anyway -- one final medical something-or-other was needed from the orphanage. We really didn't have much time to spend with Sasha, and she was pretty upset when we had to leave. She hid in a little playhouse and wouldn't come out. It's SO HARD to know what to do. I'm not her mom yet -- and I can't speak her language. The caretaker told two of the older kids to go in and get her out. She still wouldn't come out. I finally went over and, by this point, she was slowly coming around. I used gum as a bribe to get her to put her jacket and stuff back on -- then let her share the gum with a few people around us. She eventually got out of her mood. See -- that's where it's so hard. I don't bribe my kids to obey -- but, the orphanage is just so weird. I honestly can't explain it. We will have so much work to do with her when she gets home!
After we got the paper from the orphanage (we did have to wait about a half hour for the Director to sign some papers), we went to the Children's Services department again, and picked up their final paper! Yeah!!!!! That left only one more task -- the Court.
If I had know then what I know now -- I wouldn't have even worried about the 10 day waiting period -- there was so much MORE that could have gone wrong. Turns out that the official process is this: Halya would apply to the court, which had 10 business days (what's with the number 10 in this country!) to assign a judge, then we'd have to set a date with that judge. OMGoodness!!! Halya is amazing. She knows how to get the job done. Of course, she LITERALLY had to go around the corner of the courthouse (outside, in the freezing cold and dark so that nobody saw to pay the judge his money! BUT, he agreed to take the case and give us a date before the end of the year (the 28th). He did NOT agree to the 10 day waive. I think if he did that it would look too suspicious! Heaven forbid!
So, what's next?? WE NEED YOUR PRAYERS! The MSP legally has 10 business days to finish their paper, however our court date is 10 regular days! PLEASE PRAY that they will finish it!! Rumor is that they are taking their full 10 days. Quincy is also assuring me that he wants us to go home during the 10 day waiting period. It's very difficult to explain, but Sasha is still pretty clueless. Even we don't understand this completely, but Halya says that she will be fine. The concept of a home and family is really just a strange theory in her mind. She doesn't really even know how to wish for it! Obviously, she knows that we are one day going to come and take her away. But she has no concept of what a family really looks like or what they do. She knows that she's going to America -- but, to her, that could be the next town over! Also, the 10 day waiting period will actually be 12 days because the last day falls on their Christmas. So, now, we're talking close to a 2 week waiting period -- and still another week of paperwork after that in the country. We have decided that Sasha really doesn't know any better at this point. She will be disappointed that we are not visiting -- but she would not be devastated as we though she might be. We will have Halya explain to her what is happening -- and then we will go home. And I really DO think that we need time to prepare our kids at home for Sasha. And I'd like to have a Christmas with our kids and Tia and Cody, too, before bringing Sasha home. That may sound strange, but Sasha will be going through so many changes -- and already getting so much more than she has EVER known that adding presents under a Christmas tree to that will just be a bit too much, we think. BTW, their "Saint Nicholas Day" is tomorrow and she will be getting presents at the orphanage! And we have things at home for her too.
So -- that was our day! In the end, we got EVERYTHING we needed! And we didn't get what He knew we never did. THANK you for your prayers for that 1% miracle! Turns out that quite a few other miracles took place that we didn't even know we needed! I know that it may be a little bitter sweet -- and some of you may question the wisdom in our decision to go home -- but we have a peace about it. From now until the court date, we will visit Sasha every other day. We're on our own now since Halya has gone back to Kiev and then home. I'm sure we'll hang out at the apt. mostly on the days we don't go to the orphanage. Tomorrow, it should be windy with a high in the low 20's -- so we definitely won't be picnicking in the park!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
She Said Yes!
When our heads hit the pillow last night, we knew that we were looking at a loong day ahead of us the next day. We had to leave by 6:00 to be in Tokmok by 8:00 to pick up the Children's Services lady to come with us to the orphanage. I knew that the main goal of the day was to collect all the needed documents from the orphanage, which included a medical exam (not normally needed at this point, but the orphanage didn't have the original report from her October exam to give us -- so they scheduled another one). I also knew that Sasha was going to have to "make a declaration" or something like that that she wanted to be adopted by us. Honestly, I wasn't a bit worried about that one! Anybody within a mile radius of Sasha knows that she can't wait to leave with us! She calls us Mama and Papa -- and shows us off to everybody. But . . . apparently it's not quite that simple.
We met again in a large room (this time upstairs from the director's office) -- and again, there seemed to be some intention on some of the staff's part to persuade us that perhaps we didn't want Sasha. Her teacher came in and gave us her handwriting and math books. Honestly, I didn't think the handwriting one was all that bad! I mean, I don't know a good Russian letter when I see one, but I could see that Sasha was attempting to do the work well -- at least for most of it. Same with the math. The only thing that struck me was how small they expected a 9 year old to write. My little Quince would give up with spaces that small, too! AND, why in the world do they think a very active girl like Sasha would want to just write her numbers over and over again in a notebook. Learning needs to be fun -- at least for a little while.
They also mentioned that she had had another fit that morning -- and I knew it was true because Sasha was very sorry toward her caregiver when the lady came in. She went over and gave her a big hug. I asked for specific details -- not because I'm worried so much as I want to know what kind of things set her off -- just as I know what sets my own children at home off. I didn't get a lot of info -- just that they wanted her to do something that she didn't want to do -- so she was yelling, "I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it!" (I have no idea what IT was.)
Sasha was there while most of this was being said to us. Her little lips were trembling and and she got a very furrowed brow! She buried her head on Quincy's shoulder. We had also already been told by Halya that she had been worried all morning that we had changed our mind because we hadn't come yet! She goes through this every day, I guess -- but this was the first time we were hearing it. I asked Halya to tell her that we will not change our mind (trying to get it through to her that it didn't matter what we were hearing or seeing -- we were her mom and dad -- and that's that!)
Finally, the time came for this "declaration" -- The assistant director had already marched in and out of the room a few times, barely acknowledging us. She certainly never introduced herself to us. She sat on one side of a very looooong table. Q and I were off to the side in chairs -- not at the table but against the wall to Sasha's left. Halya was between us and Sasha. The children's services lady was to Sasha's right (thank the Lord for that lady!) and then were probably 4 other ladies in the room. Sasha was incredibly nervous. Who knows what she was actually thinking was happening. I don't know that anybody explained anything to her before the assistant director asked her if she wanted to be adopted by these people. Each time Sasha was asked, she answered "Da" (yes, in Russian) -- but the A.D. for some reason wanted Sasha to be able to say more. The Children's Services lady always made what the A.D. just said sound great. "Do you want to go to America and have them for your Mommy and Daddy?" (Remember, Sasha was always answering yes.) Finally, the A.D. said, "Do you understand what we are saying? That you are going to America but you will retain your Ukrainian citizenship until you are 18? Say that back to me." UH OH. There was no way Sasha was going to say all that -- or anything close to that. Halya had tried to stay quiet because things are very touchy with the orphanage and it ALL depended on them at the moment. Believe me, there wasn't a person in that room that didn't know exactly how Sasha felt. Finally Halya said, "If you don't say it, they won't let you go." Immediately, Sasha said, "I want to go!" Thank the Lord (again) for the Children's Services lady, she immediately said, "That's good enough." Still, all the orphanage people said they were too busy to type up the declaration (I think some of them didn't want to get in trouble with the A.D. -- so Halya said -- OK, I'll type it up!) As I sat there and listened to everything (nothing was being translated, but I definitely understood that they wanted Sasha to say something specific -- and I knew that Sasha was not going to be able to overcome her shyness, I just prayed! "Father, please don't let this sweet little girl with so much life in her be stuck in an orphanage because she can't say a few words right now. How incredibly tragic that would be!" There was absolutely nothing Q or I could do, except pray. To interrupt or try to help her would probably ruin it all.
So, with a GREAT sigh of relief, we are happy to say that Sasha said YES! The Director was still not too happy about signing the document -- he had "heard a rumor" that she hadn't really said it -- but I guess God won in the end. AND, for some reason, they decided that Sasha didn't need the medical exam! They would just re-do the one in October and put a new stamp on it!
Our prayers needed for tomorrow are that the mayor will be in his office tomorrow to sign the final paper that Halya needs before she can hop on a train tomorrow night and get the final paper submitted to the MSP on Wednesday in Kiev. There should not be a problem with having the document ready -- or that he wouldn't agree to sign it -- just that he needs to be there! The judge was also out of his office today and should be back tomorrow. (If it weren't 11 degrees outside, I'd think they were out golfing together!) Halya still doesn't hold out much hope that he would waive the 10 days since he never has before -- but she said that she will still ask. It's OK if he says no -- we will definitely plan to go home for the 10 day waiting period -- if we can afford it. I know that time will be hard on Sasha -- but I can use the time to really get our kids at home more prepared for Sasha's arrival.
PLEASE keep praying! We still have that 1% chance!!!
We met again in a large room (this time upstairs from the director's office) -- and again, there seemed to be some intention on some of the staff's part to persuade us that perhaps we didn't want Sasha. Her teacher came in and gave us her handwriting and math books. Honestly, I didn't think the handwriting one was all that bad! I mean, I don't know a good Russian letter when I see one, but I could see that Sasha was attempting to do the work well -- at least for most of it. Same with the math. The only thing that struck me was how small they expected a 9 year old to write. My little Quince would give up with spaces that small, too! AND, why in the world do they think a very active girl like Sasha would want to just write her numbers over and over again in a notebook. Learning needs to be fun -- at least for a little while.
They also mentioned that she had had another fit that morning -- and I knew it was true because Sasha was very sorry toward her caregiver when the lady came in. She went over and gave her a big hug. I asked for specific details -- not because I'm worried so much as I want to know what kind of things set her off -- just as I know what sets my own children at home off. I didn't get a lot of info -- just that they wanted her to do something that she didn't want to do -- so she was yelling, "I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it!" (I have no idea what IT was.)
Sasha was there while most of this was being said to us. Her little lips were trembling and and she got a very furrowed brow! She buried her head on Quincy's shoulder. We had also already been told by Halya that she had been worried all morning that we had changed our mind because we hadn't come yet! She goes through this every day, I guess -- but this was the first time we were hearing it. I asked Halya to tell her that we will not change our mind (trying to get it through to her that it didn't matter what we were hearing or seeing -- we were her mom and dad -- and that's that!)
Finally, the time came for this "declaration" -- The assistant director had already marched in and out of the room a few times, barely acknowledging us. She certainly never introduced herself to us. She sat on one side of a very looooong table. Q and I were off to the side in chairs -- not at the table but against the wall to Sasha's left. Halya was between us and Sasha. The children's services lady was to Sasha's right (thank the Lord for that lady!) and then were probably 4 other ladies in the room. Sasha was incredibly nervous. Who knows what she was actually thinking was happening. I don't know that anybody explained anything to her before the assistant director asked her if she wanted to be adopted by these people. Each time Sasha was asked, she answered "Da" (yes, in Russian) -- but the A.D. for some reason wanted Sasha to be able to say more. The Children's Services lady always made what the A.D. just said sound great. "Do you want to go to America and have them for your Mommy and Daddy?" (Remember, Sasha was always answering yes.) Finally, the A.D. said, "Do you understand what we are saying? That you are going to America but you will retain your Ukrainian citizenship until you are 18? Say that back to me." UH OH. There was no way Sasha was going to say all that -- or anything close to that. Halya had tried to stay quiet because things are very touchy with the orphanage and it ALL depended on them at the moment. Believe me, there wasn't a person in that room that didn't know exactly how Sasha felt. Finally Halya said, "If you don't say it, they won't let you go." Immediately, Sasha said, "I want to go!" Thank the Lord (again) for the Children's Services lady, she immediately said, "That's good enough." Still, all the orphanage people said they were too busy to type up the declaration (I think some of them didn't want to get in trouble with the A.D. -- so Halya said -- OK, I'll type it up!) As I sat there and listened to everything (nothing was being translated, but I definitely understood that they wanted Sasha to say something specific -- and I knew that Sasha was not going to be able to overcome her shyness, I just prayed! "Father, please don't let this sweet little girl with so much life in her be stuck in an orphanage because she can't say a few words right now. How incredibly tragic that would be!" There was absolutely nothing Q or I could do, except pray. To interrupt or try to help her would probably ruin it all.
So, with a GREAT sigh of relief, we are happy to say that Sasha said YES! The Director was still not too happy about signing the document -- he had "heard a rumor" that she hadn't really said it -- but I guess God won in the end. AND, for some reason, they decided that Sasha didn't need the medical exam! They would just re-do the one in October and put a new stamp on it!
Our prayers needed for tomorrow are that the mayor will be in his office tomorrow to sign the final paper that Halya needs before she can hop on a train tomorrow night and get the final paper submitted to the MSP on Wednesday in Kiev. There should not be a problem with having the document ready -- or that he wouldn't agree to sign it -- just that he needs to be there! The judge was also out of his office today and should be back tomorrow. (If it weren't 11 degrees outside, I'd think they were out golfing together!) Halya still doesn't hold out much hope that he would waive the 10 days since he never has before -- but she said that she will still ask. It's OK if he says no -- we will definitely plan to go home for the 10 day waiting period -- if we can afford it. I know that time will be hard on Sasha -- but I can use the time to really get our kids at home more prepared for Sasha's arrival.
PLEASE keep praying! We still have that 1% chance!!!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Staying busy!
Well, staying busy may not be the best title for this post -- probably more like -- "on the move" -- we seem to have been mostly sitting in the car this past week, driving to the orphanage or Tokmok for paperwork, or at the notary's. BUT we have now seen Sasha 4 times!
There has been a lot of information given to us this week -- some of it true, some of it not. We have been trying to observe Sasha and learn all we can (even with the language barrier) about what her needs really are. Today we were given a piece of the puzzle by a caretaker that really helped us begin to see what that full picture of Sasha's life is.
Sasha was brought to the orphanage when she was 4. We weren't given the details of the home she was in, but whatever was happening there was enough to keep Sasha locked up in a little mental shell for a long time after coming to the orphanage. She would not listen or respond to her caretakers. She wouldn't even look at them. They tried to teach her things, but she would not open up to them. Slowly, she started coming out of this shell and if you could see her now, as you may have through videos on Facebook, she seems to be a well-adjusted, happy little girl. But it doesn't take too long to realize that Sasha is still in the process of coming out of her emotional shell. She is just learning to trust again. Trust that someone loves her enough to put up with temper tantrums and silliness. To let her be embarrased without being teased. Her emotional reactions to things might be more the equivalent of what we would expect of a 5 or 6 year old. I believe WITH ALL MY HEART that this is not the Sasha that will always be. She will someday know that she is loved and always has a family, and she will continue to mature in those emotional reactions as she is allowed to experience them in a normal family situation -- with the discipline and love that parents have to offer. But it will take some time. As you watch her play with Quincy, it's a bit more like a 6 or 7 year old -- but then, she'll snap back to being 9 and talking like a 9 year old and certainly playing like one. She does have that "tremble" in her hands, which gets a bit more pronounced the more excited she is. It's like any child that is SUPER excited -- gets kind shaky with it all!
Whatever experiences shaped Sasha's emotional development from birth to four years of age need to be healed in a loving home. Once she is further along in the process of healing, we can really begin to teach her more academically. I have to admit that I was shocked when we discovered that she didn't know her colors! But Halya has assured us that the teachers do not force the children to learn. If Sasha did not want to learn, they would not force her, in order to help her avoid getting so upset and slipping back into that emotional shell. So, with time -- all will be healed -- and I KNOW that Sasha will be fine!
Quincy and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this past week. Today has been the first day (since leaving Kiev on Monday) that I have been able to really walk in faith ALL day, never wavering -- just trusting. I still miss the kids at home -- and I still worry that they think we have just deserted them -- but I know that God is good. And as my mom says, "This too shall pass!"
There has been a lot of information given to us this week -- some of it true, some of it not. We have been trying to observe Sasha and learn all we can (even with the language barrier) about what her needs really are. Today we were given a piece of the puzzle by a caretaker that really helped us begin to see what that full picture of Sasha's life is.
Sasha was brought to the orphanage when she was 4. We weren't given the details of the home she was in, but whatever was happening there was enough to keep Sasha locked up in a little mental shell for a long time after coming to the orphanage. She would not listen or respond to her caretakers. She wouldn't even look at them. They tried to teach her things, but she would not open up to them. Slowly, she started coming out of this shell and if you could see her now, as you may have through videos on Facebook, she seems to be a well-adjusted, happy little girl. But it doesn't take too long to realize that Sasha is still in the process of coming out of her emotional shell. She is just learning to trust again. Trust that someone loves her enough to put up with temper tantrums and silliness. To let her be embarrased without being teased. Her emotional reactions to things might be more the equivalent of what we would expect of a 5 or 6 year old. I believe WITH ALL MY HEART that this is not the Sasha that will always be. She will someday know that she is loved and always has a family, and she will continue to mature in those emotional reactions as she is allowed to experience them in a normal family situation -- with the discipline and love that parents have to offer. But it will take some time. As you watch her play with Quincy, it's a bit more like a 6 or 7 year old -- but then, she'll snap back to being 9 and talking like a 9 year old and certainly playing like one. She does have that "tremble" in her hands, which gets a bit more pronounced the more excited she is. It's like any child that is SUPER excited -- gets kind shaky with it all!
Whatever experiences shaped Sasha's emotional development from birth to four years of age need to be healed in a loving home. Once she is further along in the process of healing, we can really begin to teach her more academically. I have to admit that I was shocked when we discovered that she didn't know her colors! But Halya has assured us that the teachers do not force the children to learn. If Sasha did not want to learn, they would not force her, in order to help her avoid getting so upset and slipping back into that emotional shell. So, with time -- all will be healed -- and I KNOW that Sasha will be fine!
Quincy and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this past week. Today has been the first day (since leaving Kiev on Monday) that I have been able to really walk in faith ALL day, never wavering -- just trusting. I still miss the kids at home -- and I still worry that they think we have just deserted them -- but I know that God is good. And as my mom says, "This too shall pass!"
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Sasha!!!
I know that so many are eager to hear about the details of our day -- it's certainly been a whirlwind!
Thankfully, we made it to the train last night with only 10 minutes to spare! Whoah -- what an adventure! Honestly, I didn't think the train ride was all that bad! I had taken two herbal supplements to help me sleep -- and sleep I did! Until about 2 AM when I woke up and, honestly, it felt like it must have been 90 degrees in our little cabin. We had closed the door -- but we quickly opened it and fell back asleep!
After we got off the train, we went to our apt. It's way nicer than any of you are thinking right now! At least on the inside. Zap looks like a dump on the outside! I'll get pics on FB pretty soon. Seriously, if you read the post before this one, you know that I was feeling kinda' guilty when we were in Kiev, thinking maybe we shouldn't be taking Sasha away from all this! Well, I have NO PROBLEM now. It's really sad, actually. These are really nice people and they are so fashionable -- but their living conditions are pretty sad!
So, anyway -- this whole time (since Monday morning) our facilitator has been with us. She's actually staying in the apartment with us until some paperwork is completed and needs to be delivered back to Kiev. So, we get to the apt. (we have the same driver the whole time we are here) and lie back down for a while. Then, around 8 -- we head out to the Children's Services Department in a town about an hour away. We needed to get some paperwork from them (permission, I guess you could call it.) They seemed very friendly there and really want Sasha to find a home!
Finally, we get to the orphanage We meet with the orphanage lawyer, who asks us a few tough questions. I hate it when they ask you WHY you want to adopt? I tried to come up with something -- how do you explain that you saw a little girl's picture (didn't even know if I could say this -- so I didn't) and just KNEW that God told you to come get her??? But, I managed to squeak out something like "we just think that children need to be in families and we are willing to open up our family" -- I don't remember exactly what I said. Halya (our facilitator) rambled on for quite a while with the translation -- so I think she probably helped me out! THEN, Sasha's main caregiver came in. She told us a few things about her -- some of which we already knew -- some of it new. BUT, I could tell right away that she was definitely advocating for Sasha to be adopted by us. It turns out that this lady had given Sasha our pictures quite a while ago -- and she would use these pictures to get her to behave and calm down sometimes, etc. Telling her that her family is coming for her she needs to calm down.
Anyway -- we talked for a while -- and as far as we knew we were waiting for the doctor to come. Then, they said -- OK let's go into a bigger room. So, I'm thinking that we will go into the room and meet with the doctor. Well, when we walk in -- THERE SHE IS!!!!!! She was so incredibly nervous and shy -- but she just could not help herself -- she jumped up and ran over and gave Quincy the biggest hug!!! After about 30 seconds of hanging on for dear life, she came to me -- and pretty much stuck TO me the rest of the time! Her classroom teacher was there and told us more about her. Some of the things that these ladies shared with us COULD be a little intimidating if we were not totally prepared to hear them and if we were not COMPLETELY convinced that we were called by the Lord to rescue Sasha from this orphanage. (Honestly, through most of it, I'm thinking -- she sounds exactly like her brother! Did I post that she's only 9 days older than Quince?)
So -- to try to explain Sasha during this time -- very shy, kinda' trembly (can you imagine putting ALL of your hope in these two strangers that are now hearing a whole bunch of bad things about you?) There was a lot of talk among the adults in the room. So, I was trying to get her to look me in the eyes. She finally did -- and I gave her a great big smile! SLOOOOWLY she began to come out of her shell. At first, she couldn't look at the pictures in the album that we brought for too long -- it was like she had to look quickly at them because it was all so much to take in! I started to show her different people -- giving them their names, etc. By the end of the time, she was carrying that album like it was a treasure. She took it with her and was no doubt gonna show ANYONE who crossed her path. She also started to talk to us. I have NO IDEA what she was saying -- but she didn't seem to get frustrated. I told her -- "Mama, English" and Halya was busy talking to the adults so I couldn't even get her to translate.
So, after a while, we asked her what she would like for us to bring her (Actually, Halya asked her that) -- she said -- "whatever you bring." Then, they asked about something she likes to eat and she said bananas. So, by golly, we stopped at this HUGE store (probably bigger than Wal Mart) and bought her some bananas!
Finally, we spoke with the doctor, and to make a long story short, Sasha most likely does NOT have epilepsy. She has fainted 3 times and gotten kinda' trembly at the same time when she got VERY upset about something. It seems that we are dealing with a hyper sensitive nervous system. The doctor also was very encouraging that she thinks if Sasha can work on not getting so upset, then she will probably be fine!
So, we head back tomorrow! I'm really looking forward to those hugs again! I'm sorry, but I didn't take any pics or video today! I was caught by surprise -- and then she really didn't let me go -- plus I'd rather wait until we are more alone tomorrow. So, I'll get pics up tomorrow, I promise!!!!!!!
It is SUCH a blessing to us to know that you all are praying and walking this road with us! Our kids at home are doing great -- thanks to some very incredible people in their lives! We'll keep posting!!
Thankfully, we made it to the train last night with only 10 minutes to spare! Whoah -- what an adventure! Honestly, I didn't think the train ride was all that bad! I had taken two herbal supplements to help me sleep -- and sleep I did! Until about 2 AM when I woke up and, honestly, it felt like it must have been 90 degrees in our little cabin. We had closed the door -- but we quickly opened it and fell back asleep!
After we got off the train, we went to our apt. It's way nicer than any of you are thinking right now! At least on the inside. Zap looks like a dump on the outside! I'll get pics on FB pretty soon. Seriously, if you read the post before this one, you know that I was feeling kinda' guilty when we were in Kiev, thinking maybe we shouldn't be taking Sasha away from all this! Well, I have NO PROBLEM now. It's really sad, actually. These are really nice people and they are so fashionable -- but their living conditions are pretty sad!
So, anyway -- this whole time (since Monday morning) our facilitator has been with us. She's actually staying in the apartment with us until some paperwork is completed and needs to be delivered back to Kiev. So, we get to the apt. (we have the same driver the whole time we are here) and lie back down for a while. Then, around 8 -- we head out to the Children's Services Department in a town about an hour away. We needed to get some paperwork from them (permission, I guess you could call it.) They seemed very friendly there and really want Sasha to find a home!
Finally, we get to the orphanage We meet with the orphanage lawyer, who asks us a few tough questions. I hate it when they ask you WHY you want to adopt? I tried to come up with something -- how do you explain that you saw a little girl's picture (didn't even know if I could say this -- so I didn't) and just KNEW that God told you to come get her??? But, I managed to squeak out something like "we just think that children need to be in families and we are willing to open up our family" -- I don't remember exactly what I said. Halya (our facilitator) rambled on for quite a while with the translation -- so I think she probably helped me out! THEN, Sasha's main caregiver came in. She told us a few things about her -- some of which we already knew -- some of it new. BUT, I could tell right away that she was definitely advocating for Sasha to be adopted by us. It turns out that this lady had given Sasha our pictures quite a while ago -- and she would use these pictures to get her to behave and calm down sometimes, etc. Telling her that her family is coming for her she needs to calm down.
Anyway -- we talked for a while -- and as far as we knew we were waiting for the doctor to come. Then, they said -- OK let's go into a bigger room. So, I'm thinking that we will go into the room and meet with the doctor. Well, when we walk in -- THERE SHE IS!!!!!! She was so incredibly nervous and shy -- but she just could not help herself -- she jumped up and ran over and gave Quincy the biggest hug!!! After about 30 seconds of hanging on for dear life, she came to me -- and pretty much stuck TO me the rest of the time! Her classroom teacher was there and told us more about her. Some of the things that these ladies shared with us COULD be a little intimidating if we were not totally prepared to hear them and if we were not COMPLETELY convinced that we were called by the Lord to rescue Sasha from this orphanage. (Honestly, through most of it, I'm thinking -- she sounds exactly like her brother! Did I post that she's only 9 days older than Quince?)
So -- to try to explain Sasha during this time -- very shy, kinda' trembly (can you imagine putting ALL of your hope in these two strangers that are now hearing a whole bunch of bad things about you?) There was a lot of talk among the adults in the room. So, I was trying to get her to look me in the eyes. She finally did -- and I gave her a great big smile! SLOOOOWLY she began to come out of her shell. At first, she couldn't look at the pictures in the album that we brought for too long -- it was like she had to look quickly at them because it was all so much to take in! I started to show her different people -- giving them their names, etc. By the end of the time, she was carrying that album like it was a treasure. She took it with her and was no doubt gonna show ANYONE who crossed her path. She also started to talk to us. I have NO IDEA what she was saying -- but she didn't seem to get frustrated. I told her -- "Mama, English" and Halya was busy talking to the adults so I couldn't even get her to translate.
So, after a while, we asked her what she would like for us to bring her (Actually, Halya asked her that) -- she said -- "whatever you bring." Then, they asked about something she likes to eat and she said bananas. So, by golly, we stopped at this HUGE store (probably bigger than Wal Mart) and bought her some bananas!
Finally, we spoke with the doctor, and to make a long story short, Sasha most likely does NOT have epilepsy. She has fainted 3 times and gotten kinda' trembly at the same time when she got VERY upset about something. It seems that we are dealing with a hyper sensitive nervous system. The doctor also was very encouraging that she thinks if Sasha can work on not getting so upset, then she will probably be fine!
So, we head back tomorrow! I'm really looking forward to those hugs again! I'm sorry, but I didn't take any pics or video today! I was caught by surprise -- and then she really didn't let me go -- plus I'd rather wait until we are more alone tomorrow. So, I'll get pics up tomorrow, I promise!!!!!!!
It is SUCH a blessing to us to know that you all are praying and walking this road with us! Our kids at home are doing great -- thanks to some very incredible people in their lives! We'll keep posting!!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Getting Here
Well, I'm gonna be honest. We're here -- and we wish we were home! It's not that I don't want to get Sasha, I absolutely do -- and that's the ONLY thing keeping us here. And it's not that we've had terrible snags on the way over -- we really haven't. A few here and there. And it's not that we don't like our little apartment in Kiev for the next couple of days. It's just that Quincy and I are both home bodies. We don't go out much and we really don't travel much -- mostly because we just don't want to! Being home with the kids and taking our annual vacation to the mountains has always been good enough. There was a moment when we were traipsing around the market here in Kiev trying to figure out what the food was (it actually wasn't that hard -- except that Q picked up sparkling water instead of "still" water -- yuck!) that I thought -- are we really doing the right thing? Are we really supposed to take Sasha away from this country that is hers? Maybe we really aren't supposed to be here -- let's just go home!!
And then we drove into downtown Kiev. Whoah. That's an experience. It's like driving in NYC, except with a driver that doesn't speak your language! I looked around and remembered that I know God has called Sasha out of this country. Who knows -- maybe someday she'll come back! Maybe she'll come back and do something great for this country! I just know what I know right now - which is this, God has asked me to do something very difficult for a few weeks and it will literally change the life of one girl, who will grow to be a mommy who will have children who will have children . . .. Sometimes the decisions we make literally affect generations -- for good or bad! We can be uncomfortable and homesick for a few weeks if THAT much is depending on it. BUT, I would just LOVE to have your prayers for us.
We do want to get home as soon as possible so please pray that we will find favor (and speed) with all the government officials. Also, I had a lot of pain (severe headache) when we were landing in Frankfurt and Kiev. I've never had trouble flying before so I really wasn't prepared for that -- and I've still got a twinge of pain. And, of course, PLEASE pray for our kids and us -- that the homesickness will ease up some! Thanks!
And then we drove into downtown Kiev. Whoah. That's an experience. It's like driving in NYC, except with a driver that doesn't speak your language! I looked around and remembered that I know God has called Sasha out of this country. Who knows -- maybe someday she'll come back! Maybe she'll come back and do something great for this country! I just know what I know right now - which is this, God has asked me to do something very difficult for a few weeks and it will literally change the life of one girl, who will grow to be a mommy who will have children who will have children . . .. Sometimes the decisions we make literally affect generations -- for good or bad! We can be uncomfortable and homesick for a few weeks if THAT much is depending on it. BUT, I would just LOVE to have your prayers for us.
We do want to get home as soon as possible so please pray that we will find favor (and speed) with all the government officials. Also, I had a lot of pain (severe headache) when we were landing in Frankfurt and Kiev. I've never had trouble flying before so I really wasn't prepared for that -- and I've still got a twinge of pain. And, of course, PLEASE pray for our kids and us -- that the homesickness will ease up some! Thanks!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
It's FINALLY time!
I can hardly believe it! Actually, I really can't believe it! Tomorrow morning, 8:30 AM, we will leave here and head for Tampa Intl. Airport. We will fly from Tampa to Newark, NJ, then on to Frankfurt, Germany then to Kiev, Ukraine!
It's incredible to think that "before the foundations of the world," God knew that our daughter Sasha would be born in a country on the other side of the world. He knew all the circumstances of her birth and why it would work out that way. I would never have chosen that for her. I would much rather have carried her in my tummy and given her a warm, safe, loving home from the very beginning. I can only trust that He will be faithful in her life to turn those events into His glory and for her good. I believe that God has amazing plans for Sasha. We just feel so privileged to be part of that plan -- as with all of our children.
Some of you have asked about our 3 kids here at home. They are all looking forward to Sasha coming home. It's almost unbelievable (well, it's just a God thing) how much they feel that she is a part of our family. I anticipated having to talk through how "Daddy and Mommy believe that God is calling us to bring Sasha home . . ." but, honestly, it's just been accepted from Day One with them. They've NEVER questioned or expressed worry about what she will be like or how things would change. In fact, I've TRIED to get them to think through all the changes that are coming. Well, with my two boys, you might as well hang that up. They don't think through anything! LOL! With Carolyn, I kept assuring her that it would be OK to be worried about how Sasha might act or whatever . . . and she seems to only care about two things -- 1. How is she going to be able to be a good big sister and help her if she can't speak Russian (I feel the same way about being her Mommy!) and 2. She really doesn't want Sasha to think that her American Girl doll is "shareable." LOL! Well, we took care of #2 by buying Sasha her own doll (but much cheaper, from Sam's Club).
Don't get me wrong. We KNOW that the dynamics of our family will change -- and there will most certainly be times when the transition from one family dynamic to another will not be easy! BUT, underneath it all, there is a peace that we are truly going to Ukraine to bring our daughter home.
We would LOVE any and all prayers -- as the Lord lays us on your hearts! We will be gone for about 3 weeks on the first trip -- then home for about a week, and then my dad and I will return to Ukraine to pick up Sasha. We will be updating this blog and Facebook as much as possible while we are over there!
THANK you to all who have given and prayed and followed our journey so far! You have blessed us beyond words. Sasha will eventually learn how much she is loved by so many!
It's incredible to think that "before the foundations of the world," God knew that our daughter Sasha would be born in a country on the other side of the world. He knew all the circumstances of her birth and why it would work out that way. I would never have chosen that for her. I would much rather have carried her in my tummy and given her a warm, safe, loving home from the very beginning. I can only trust that He will be faithful in her life to turn those events into His glory and for her good. I believe that God has amazing plans for Sasha. We just feel so privileged to be part of that plan -- as with all of our children.
Some of you have asked about our 3 kids here at home. They are all looking forward to Sasha coming home. It's almost unbelievable (well, it's just a God thing) how much they feel that she is a part of our family. I anticipated having to talk through how "Daddy and Mommy believe that God is calling us to bring Sasha home . . ." but, honestly, it's just been accepted from Day One with them. They've NEVER questioned or expressed worry about what she will be like or how things would change. In fact, I've TRIED to get them to think through all the changes that are coming. Well, with my two boys, you might as well hang that up. They don't think through anything! LOL! With Carolyn, I kept assuring her that it would be OK to be worried about how Sasha might act or whatever . . . and she seems to only care about two things -- 1. How is she going to be able to be a good big sister and help her if she can't speak Russian (I feel the same way about being her Mommy!) and 2. She really doesn't want Sasha to think that her American Girl doll is "shareable." LOL! Well, we took care of #2 by buying Sasha her own doll (but much cheaper, from Sam's Club).
Don't get me wrong. We KNOW that the dynamics of our family will change -- and there will most certainly be times when the transition from one family dynamic to another will not be easy! BUT, underneath it all, there is a peace that we are truly going to Ukraine to bring our daughter home.
We would LOVE any and all prayers -- as the Lord lays us on your hearts! We will be gone for about 3 weeks on the first trip -- then home for about a week, and then my dad and I will return to Ukraine to pick up Sasha. We will be updating this blog and Facebook as much as possible while we are over there!
THANK you to all who have given and prayed and followed our journey so far! You have blessed us beyond words. Sasha will eventually learn how much she is loved by so many!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)